Expectations 101

I don't do expectations.

I don't like them.

There are two settings of expectations I am specifically thinking about this morning.

The expectations we place on others and the expectations others place on us.

I don't like either.

Both involve people. And both allow people to fail. And...I don't do failure well.

work with me here....

You have been invited out by a friend. She/He says "it is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to do this with you. You are so fun to be around!"

The expectation has been sent. I am now responsible for their entertainment.

My thoughts go crazy!  What if I am having a bad day? What if I am too preoccupied to make it fun. What if they are having a bad day and it turns out to be disasterous?

OR "Thanks, I can't wait to come to your house for dinner! You always cook such great food. I am always telling others how amazing you are in the kitchen!

OH boy....Now what do I cook? How do I 'wow' them this time? Funds are low...I was thinking a pot of soup....no amazing talents there. What will they tell their other friends after that meal?

OR "You are so good at that! I told everyone you could do it and how great you would be!"  YIKES!

Do you get the idea? 

For me, when others place expectations on me, I freeze. My stomach goes in knots. My heart races. My breathing becomes rapid. The anxiety sometimes becomes so overwhelming I truly can't function. How often I fail in my 'performance' because I felt others expectations placed upon me?

There is a fine line between encouragement and expectations.

What about the expectations I place on others?

The food at the restaurant wasn't anything close to what we were expecting. We left 20 minutes into the movie. The service was terrible. The gift received is a duplicate I already have. The resort was not clean. The weather was horrible. The massage, mediocre at best. The band was too loud. He didn't understand what I was saying. They stayed too long. They didn't stay long enough. She didn't listen. The store was to junky. The traffic worse than before. They were having a bad day.

I actually don't think any of us are expempt from this practice of expecting. Usually it is subconconscience. We put pressure on others without intending to. There are disappointments from above ground expectations all the time.

My husband has been telling me for years "Keep your expectations on the ground"

In other words lower them so that disappointment is non-existent. If you don't expect your happiness to be fulfilled through the actions of someone else then no one fails and anxiety diminishes.

That may not be a major WOW for you....but it is huge for me!

It has taken me more than half of my lifetime to put those words of wisdom into practice.

I can not hold others accountable for my happiness. That has to come from somewhere or some One else.

AND.....

I have finally learned that I can not carry the world on my shoulders. I can't make everyones experiences a WOW! I don't have to impress everyone I come in contact with. I don't have to have words of wisdom all the time. I don't have to be good at everything I do or attempt to do. I don't have to be the 'be all, end all' for all people in my world. I don't have to make sure ALL are happy, loved, listened to, included or understood.

How simple it all became when I realized that it was not my job, not my responsibility for others success and happiness in their own lives!

I was even more amazed that people loved me, accepted me and still desired a relationship whether I met their expectations or let them down on occassion. It was okay to fail. It is a huge part of being human.

There are those who my performance mattered to way to much, those that I could never please to the degree they expected. I no longer jump through the hoops they set before me, I no longer adjust to fit the mold they tried to pour me into.

What deep inner joy there is when I only strive to please the One who truly matters! And what great freedom is felt when the only One I expect anything from is the only One that can truly deliver! 

Where do your expectations lay? Who is your 'delivery' man? Who is responsible for YOUR happiness?

♥ LR ♥