Walk with me?

Forsaking
All
I
Trust
Him

I have spent an entire life time not understanding the truest form of what FAITH is.

Interestingly, I just recently learned the true meaning of Grace too; but that may be another entry down the road.

The dictionary defines faith as;

1. unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence
2. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

And the Bible defines Faith as; 

1. the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen
2. the understanding that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.

 Almost 40 years ago I gave my childhood heart to a radical Jesus. The church we attended was called the 'Jesus people church'. I am not sure if we, as a family called it that or if the church body called it that..but that is what I knew it as. 

There was lots of singing and dancing and praising and some preaching. The style of church fed the strong emotional being of a young child.  I don't remember Faith being taught and as a young child I only needed the belief that mom and dad took care of ALL that I couldn't see. My Faith rested in their parenting skills.

Fast forward about 10 years; a new resolve to follow the teachings of a new church and seemingly a new Jesus. This one much more reserved. There was lots of preaching, some singing; absolutely NO dancing and very little praising.

But it was a new chapter in my life. newly married. new baby. new and very different life. 

I think I missed the Sunday that Faith was handed out in this new church. But I was able to attend each and every week that the godly principles and rules were taught. I got that down pat!

Oh sure I prayed and I was even aware of some of them being answered. But Faith? Well that came from trusting. And somewhere along the way...I stopped trusting. Completely. Totally. In everything. In everyone. Including my husband and my God.

Somewhere along the way I adopted the fact that I was the only one I could trust. The only one who completely understood me and my needs. The only one that could make things happen. The only one I could rely on.

Again, fast forward 26 years. I failed me. I had it all under control. I had everyone I cared about in order. I rescued. I helped. I gave. I worked to meet the needs, the desires, the dreams of those closest to me. I failed. And I lost trust in myself. 

The God that I had strived to follow for those 26 years; the one whom I  truly didn't trust but yet was taught that he cared about everything that I cared for. He too failed me.

In my pain. my disbelief, my sorrow and agony. I walked away from us both. I hated both. I abused both. I no longer trusted or had faith in anyone or anything.

Now, present day. I forgave self. I forgave God. I trust. I believe. I have Faith.

Faith came in the form of love.

At the darkest time of my 4 year journey; God was able to break through and Love me.

Oh, He probably loved me all those years; but I wouldn't accept it. I certainly didn't believe it. I was the one that said God is a God who answers everyones prayers but mine. I was never good enough, spiritual enough or smart enough to be loved by such a big and mighty God.

June 8, 2009, God broke through and poured His love down on me. Washed me with it. Cleansed me. Held me. Filled me with love so unconditional, so huge, so consuming, so true and so pure.

He loved me just as I was. At that very exact moment. He loved me despite the darkness I lived. Despite the anger. The hatred. The ugliness and the turning away from. 

The tears came then. Flooding. Pouring. Falling. Soaking. Washing.

From that day to December 2010 I allowed Him to heal me in my brokenness. 

He allowed me to learn how to trust Him. learn how to love Him. Learn how to listen to His voice. Learn how to have faith, to walk in faith, to talk of faith, to believe. Not again...because I never truly did before. No, this is new....brand new. 

I believe in an unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence. And with confidence I belief in the truth, value, and trustworthiness of God.

I now have the assurance of things hoped for & the conviction of things not seen.

 God loved me in my darkest hour...yesterday.  God loves ME just as I am...today.

Now when I wake; I give the day to God and wait expectantly for His guidance. And then I walk in it.

Now when I pray; I sit quietly. Do nothing. And wait expectantly for His answer.

Now when I have a decision to make; I send it on to God. And wait for His choosing.

Now when I am concerned for a loved one; I lay them in His hands. And I wait, I watch Him care for them.

Now when I desire, dream, hope, believe; I hand it all over to God and watch Him make it all come true!

I didn't understand how that worked before. Now I just refuse to move until I see a supernatural surprise from God. 

And recently the surprises have been many, the gifts to numerous to count.

My faith rests on the fact that God brought me through the deepest, darkest hour I could have ever imagined. If He can handle that which I thought was complete and total hopelessness.; than He can handle every other little or big thing that comes my way.  (Or YOUR way!)

I am done trying to make everyones life and circumstances better. I am done manipulating the world to make 'IT' all work out for everyone! I wasn't very good at and it was never even my job, but I quit anyway!

God has proven He does a much better job at caring for 'IT' all! His outcome far surpasses mine. His gifts are supernatural. mine were superficial, at best. My shoulders are weak & puny. His are strong, wide and mighty enough to carry the whole world.

And that is good enough for me...finally!

May I ask you today.......?

Where does your faith lay?

Is He good enough for you to put your complete trust in His care?

Whose hands hold your future? 

Rich Blessings to you dear heart as you walk in Faith today. ♥ LR