Prepare to STOP

It is day 5 in my new little community. 9 walks with my faithful 'muttski'. 2 trips to the spa. 4 trips into town.


15 times down Qualicum Road; 15 times obeying the sign.

We are trained, taught and expected to come to a complete halt when we reach a sign that looks like this. 


It is advisable, strongly so, to look both ways before proceeding across the roadway, pathway or train tracks.


First to the right, then to the left and again to the right before crossing over and carrying on our way.


We stop because it is safe do so. It is expected. We do not have the right away. We are trained to. It is the law. 


One small sign can bring the biggest of vehicles to a standstill. The fastest of drivers screech to a halt. 


Even when no one is watching, we stop. When we believe to be all alone, we stop. When no one else is on the road, we stop.


Although I am a law abiding citizen; I have discovered it is difficult for me to stop at this particular sign, this intersection. I don't understand the 'why' of 'why do I have to'.


But then, really? How big of a surprise is it to read this about me?  I like to know 'why' in pretty much every aspect of my life.


Why do you like me?
Why am I loved by you?
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you say that?
Why are you acting that way?
Why was it built there?
Why can't you just fix it?
Why can't I say that?
Why wouldn't you like me?
Why can't you understand?
Why can't they see?
Why do you have more?
Why do you have less?
Why not just move on?
Why not love?
Why did he have to go?
Why does she have 'walls' around her?
Why does it work that way? 
Why not this way?
Why would you do that?
Why don't you communicate with me?
Why believe?
Why do you care?
Why do I care?
Why stop when I want to keep going?


Often time there are good, logical, wise answers to the many 'why's' in my head. Often times...there aren't any; there is no justifiable reasoning.


It is clear that at certain times in life I am not to ask why. I am to just do it! Just trust. Just believe. Just wait. Just S T O P.


Lately, I have been called to see the sign. To halt. To cease. To pause. To brake. To Stop.


Stop doing.
Stop fixing.
Stop making it all work.
Stop striving.
Stop fretting.
Stop worrying.
Stop stressing.
Stop asking.
Stop searching.


S  T O P


No matter the intersection. No matter the busyness. No matter the emptiness. 


S T O P


Even when it doesn't make sense. 


S T O P


The intersection I write about is 2 feet from the corner of Mant & Qualicum. The train tracks cross over Qualicum and run parallel with Mant.


The train ceased operation in April of this year. The train doesn't run on the tracks that cross over Qualicum. Nothing does.


But 15 times in the last 5 days; I have stopped where the white line on road says to S T O P, where the sign at the side of the road says S  T O P.  


I stop and look both ways before proceeding. I ask myself why I should.  I do it in obedience to the rules of the road. I do it because it is expected of me. I do it because I am a responsible driver. 


I do it because I am new here. I do it because every other vehicle does it too. I stop because I am told to.


I see this sign as a valuable and much needed command for my life, today. This week. This month. This year. I am being asked to simply stop.


S T O P


And slow down.
Pause.
Don't ask why.
Just obey.
Look.
Listen.
Stop until the sign is removed.
Stop until it is time to move, time to go.
Stop even when it doesn't make sense.
Stop. Trust. Wait.


S T O P


The time is nigh for rest and restoration for my heart, my soul, my spirit, my mind. 


Blessings be yours as you read & obey the signs set before you today ♥ LR

De-Bugged!

OK! Bring on the rest. The sleep. The peace.


I have succeeded in cleaning every nook and cranny of our new house. Every closet. Light fixture. Window frame. Cupboard. And baseboard heaters.


I have set up our new mattress and box spring. Cleaned the sheets and fluffed the pillow. (Sad it is only one pillow that I have to fluff as my man is still in Alberta....for a time)


For the record.... I did not scream, run or freak out when I found the dead spider in my sheets the other morning. I simply shook the sheets outside and then washed them.


I also did not scream, panic or otherwise react when the live spider started creeping towards me from the sink I had my hands and berries in. And, let me add here....he was BIG!! The size of a quarter with a squish-able body. OK...so I don't know if the body was squish-able as I turned the hot water onto him and washed him done the drain. No squishing involved.


But let me tell you...this spider could swim! Against the hot spray pounding down on him he fought for his existence. I am sorry; I couldn't allow his existence. NOT in my sink. NOT in my kitchen. NOT in my house.


I have come a long way baby!!!  I think of the black spider I found in my hand as I scooped out dirt, dust and little toys from the kitchen vent one day when the boys were quite young.


Now THAT was a sight to behold! I danced and shook, screamed and hyperventilated until my wonderful man came to my rescue only to discover the cause of such distress was PLASTIC!  It may have been a little plastic black spider, but to this day I still shudder at the memory!

It's the little things that matter. Little spiders that hide until you are not looking and then voila....they are sitting next to you while eating your curds and whey!


Little mice that leave traces in every spot imaginable to show they are present.


Little beetles. Little flies. Little slugs. Little pests.


Little grievances. Little traits. Little habits. Little annoyances. Little quirks. Little words. Little communication.


Too often we over react to the little things in life. Experience, maturity & rational thinking help to keep the little.....little.


Sometimes small measure is a big deal!  A little patience. A little understanding. A little compassion. A little love. A little faith. A little hope. A little can go along way.


It takes a wise soul, soft heart, discerning spirit and a calm head to remind us what are the little things that truly matter. 


Listen
Intently
Take
Time
Love
Everyone


........just a little bit more today.


May your day be filled with pocketfuls of little blessings ♥ LR

♥JOY in the Morning♥

a Plethora of emotions, thoughts and words flood my head as I sit before my laptop; fingers ready to click out a writing with desire to bless hearts, lives and self.

My mind rests on the brokenness of families whose hearts will never be the same as they bury, say goodbye to or just remember the lives that are no more....taken by the hand of the lives that are no more.

I cannot imagine the pain and hurt that consume those families; those mothers. My prayers are heaven sent with you in mind♥

My heart aches for others who have said 'see you on the other side'. Others who lived a full life. A life with joy, happiness, fulfilment, regret-free and full of great rewards. Lives that have been put to rest after many years in the day-to-day. I pray for lonely families that peace and comfort be with you♥

My heart cries out in understanding to those who grieve for lives lost in the blink of an eye. Those who weren't given a chance to say goodbye or see you later. The shattering of the heart that comes despite the buffering of shock. My desire would be for you to wait out the pain and look for light in the darkness that surrounds you...it does come♥

The confusion, the questions, the hurt, the anger that come to those who have lost precious people to sickness and disease....is met with like mindedness and heartfelt sorrow as I hold you close in my heart. Wishing for understanding and seeking comfort for your broken heart♥

It is because of the joy that blesses me this day, this time, this place, that my heart weeps for those who hurt. Those whose lives have been changed, altered, re-arranged.

It is the happiness that bubbles out of my pores the last few days that sends my mind to souls, spirits and hearts that are no longer complete. Wounded, broken, crushed, shattered hearts.

The sorrow that I ponder is not in punishment for the place that I find myself in today. Rather, it is the disbelief of my own heart, my own pain, my own hurt, my own brokenness, my own journey.

I am overcome with tears. With emotion. With Joy. With awe. With humbleness. With goosebumps!

As I look around me. As I listen. As I hear. As I see the wonder of creation. The wonder of what surrounds me. The glorious display of beauty. The uniqueness of this place, of this earth. I am awestruck.

And I am blessed.

Blessed to be on the other side of the darkness, the gut wrenching pain, and the grief that takes over every second. Fills every breath. Consumes every thought and affects every choice.

I am blessed.

Blessed with new strength. New hope. New desires. New faith. New dreams. New love. New beginnings.

With life comes death. With death comes life....if you so choose.

I have found great truth in the simplest of bible verses....

Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.

Yes, the night may be long, frightening and lonely. But endure. Move forward. Seek healing. Seek strength. Seek peace.

For a time I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped moving. I hated. I wept. I acted out. I lashed out. I inflicted pain on others; and on self.

And then I took a wee small step outside of the blackest of nights.

It is in the light of day when JOY floods your soul, fills your heart and settles your mind.

Be blessed today dear one as you allow JOY to wash over you in the brilliance of the morning sun ♥ LR

Alberta in my rearview mirror

This is big.
This is terrifying.
This is crazy.
Scary.
Exciting.
Faith-filled.
Lonely.


I have asked myself many times over the last week especially. WHAT ARE WE DOING?


And then when I think I just may not follow through,
When I think my emotion is just to much to handle,
When I think I am going to allow the fear STOP me...


This is what came up randomly TODAY on the facebook application; what God wants you to know....
'that you always have one last resort. When nothing else works, surrender to God, and let your faith carry you through.'


Yesterdays was just as timely.....


'you were created to be alive. You weren't made to simply survive until you die. Live it up, embrace life. This entire planet exists for all God's creatures ~ and that includes you! Don't wait to start living, begin right now, with your very next breath. There are many wonderful experiences waiting for you, so get going!'


I have always taken the words from this facebook application lightly but still believing there are no consequences. God can and does use all kinds of communication to get through to his people. Heck if His voice, His words can come from a burning bush....then, ya; I am going to consider the words and maybe even take them to heart once in a while!


Regardless of whether the words are truly from Him...they are true enough words. They fill me with positive energy and encouragement. It is time to 'get going, start living now and embrace life in its fullest'


I don't have all the answers. I don't have everything carefully laid out. I don't have any guarantees at the end of my drive and I don't have a 'how to be successful' for the beginning of our Island life.


And so today, I surrender all my apprehension. All my fear. All the lonely feelings. All the unchartered paths ahead.


And I reach deep within myself, my soul, my heart, my spirit and I remember what Faith is and how it looks.


I choose to go today believing that God is leading, God cares, God knows what is up ahead; he put it there!


At my darkest hour; God was there. Why would He not be present in something as exciting as embarking on a long time dream?

Therefore my friends when the car door shuts and the garage door opens,
I dwell not on the tears that fall, not on the grief that breaks the heart,
not on the empty house that echoed my departing footsteps.


I will not let fear shadow the brilliance of the day nor doubt to ride beside,
I will not allow wonderful memories to hold me prisoner
My eyes don't need to see, it is my heart that carries all the pictures.


As I travel west to the beauty rising up before me
To the mountains that proclaim Majesty; God is with you,
I am reminded that so long as I have Faith, I can do all things.


I dry my eyes once more; I sing along with the music that fills the car
I speak gently to the dog at my side and I thank God for the peace that floods my soul,
The mirror reflects what I will always hold onto; where the roots will forever be deep and my heart will always know as my Alberta Home.

What will you see in your rearview mirror as you go forth in faith?


Bless you today as you surrender to God, and let your faith carry you through ♥ LR




Please note that with the travelling and settling over the next few days ~ Healing Rain Blog will not be written until Monday the 29th of August. Take care my friends and family. Love to you all.  LR

Great Boots!

{Goodbye}


What a ridiculous word...today.


an oxymoron at times...like now.


When I looked 'Good' up in the dictionary, I was filled with positive, uplifting feelings.


With words like;


fresh, unspoiled, uncontaminated, valid, genuine, real, healthy, strong, vigorous, financially safe or sound, honourable, worthy, respectable, enjoyable, desirable, pleasant, happy, etc.. 


You can't help but feel...........um, well..........GOOD!


The word 'Bye' alone is just a word. A quick ending to conversation. A quick wave of the hand, a slight nod of the head, a small word that the dictionary says is only an abbreviation when used in context with departing. An abbreviation to the word on the butchers block today, {Goodbye}.


Today I don't see how you can mix the positive, happy feelings of 'good' with the smallness, yet final word of 'bye'.


Could we change it up a bit?  How about 'good buy'?  NOW that I like!  Both those words fill me with happy emotions!  I got a really 'good buy' on a fantastic pair of boots yesterday!  Seriously...really 'good buy'! How does that sentence NOT fill you with joy? Puts a smile on your face, doesn't it!
☺
Nothing permanent about those words together; just stating a fact. The only way you can make it better is to change 'good' to 'great'!  A 'great buy' on great boots! Again happy, positive feelings come when you say those words together.


Unfortunately the meanings of 'good buy' and 'goodbye' don't even come close to similar...


However, there are times when 'goodbye' does evoke happy.


After a bitter encounter with a difficult neighbour. An unsolicited sales person on the phone. An exhausted end to a long wait for vehicle servicing. The passing of a slow moving vehicle. A visit of endurance with a difficult family member. The ecstatic ending of a life long career. The closure and healing of brokenness. The release of all that is negative & oppressive.


I get that when you say {Goodbye} you are wishing the other person a happy, positive leave. Today, for me, it is just too much emphasize on the 'leave' and not much truth in the 'good'.


I search my heart, my mind, my head
For peace within when 'good' is said


The fact remains, I can't help but cry
When 'good' is followed with the word 'bye'


Last night, this month, yesterday, Monday
Blessings were poured out in a wide array.


Today friends, renewed friends and young ones too
Came out to wish us both 'adieu'.


The hugs and cards, gifts and such,
The fact you came meant so very much!


There is no doubt that 'good' is great,
With our hearts entwined and blessed by fate.


{Goodbye} the dictionary wants us to see
is simply short for 'God be with ye'!


When God is brought to the close of day,
& His blessings poured as we move away,


How can I not find the peace I seek
when changes cascade at the end of my week.


And so today I won't say {Goodbye}
Only "God be with ye". I have had my cry.


Blessings be yours as we part at this time,
thankful, so thankful for hearts entwined!


Love and blessings to you today; from my ♥ to your ♥  LR

Let Go....

She is a reminder that I don't control it all.

I have done everything I can think of to make it right.

Of course if I knew what was wrong in the first place that would be very helpful!

I have questioned her and asked what I did that was so worthy of her hatred.

I even approached her husband and discussed it with him.

He is a nice man; calls me by name, says 'hi'

Her boys talk to me, smile at me even.

I have come to the conclusion that she is in my life to show that I can't control it all.

I can do all that I believe is right.

I can manipulate some situations, and if I am honest with myself; I can manipulate some people.

I can anticipate the actions of friends, family, customers, co-workers.

I can live according to others expectations and the expectations of our society.

I can live according to godly principles.

But I am reminded daily that I don't have ultimate control.

No matter how sweet I may be; I can't make all people like me.

No matter how much I give to others; I can't buy friendship

No matter how wise I may think I am; I can't make others learn from me.

No matter how much knowledge I may acquire; I can't make others hear me.

No matter how I live my life for God; I can't make others love Him.

I don't have control over all. 

I have decided that I don't need the answers.

I don't need to know the why.

I don't need her love.

I don't need her acceptance.

I don't need her good wishes.

I don't have control over everything.

12 years of living beside someone who hates so openly. I have to believe that God allowed our horrid neighbourly relationship to teach me something. 

It pleases me to know that I can walk away in a couple of days with a thankful heart for a lesson finally learned. I will walk away. I will shake the dust from my feet. I will stop wondering. I am done trying.

I have no regrets; I have peace. I am not in control.

There have been other events in my life that have also been reminders; I am not the one in control.

I don't have the ultimate wisdom. I don't have the ability to see into eternity or even into tomorrow. I am not privy to the 'hows' and 'whys'. I don't want that responsibility. I don't want that kind of control.

I have learned that when I give it ALL to God; He turns it ALL into something truly amazing!

I like that He is in complete control. Thank you Laura for reminding me!

Blessings and Peace to you today as you let go....and let God ♥ LR

Quick...Jump!

Do you know why I write? Here. 


I have asked myself that question a number of times over the past few weeks since I began.


I write from my heart.


I write with passion.


I write to clear my head.


I write to soothe my heart.


I write because I feel driven to.


I write to help make sense out of my emotions.


I write to help make sense out of what life throws my way.


I write to share my heart.


Mostly?  I write because I am not the only one who has gone through,


 is going through, 


or will go through difficult times, days, events and challenges in ones life.


I don't write to have you feel sorry for me.


I don't write to have you fix everything (or anything) for me.


I don't write to make you feel sad or bad.


I don't write to preach or save or judge.


I DO write because it fills me with joy.


It encourages my soul, heart and mind.


It helps me to take time to reflect on the last 24 hours.


It helps me to put the last 24 hours in perspective.


It brings healing to my inner most being.


I write to share my life's experiences with you in hopes that YOU will be encouraged.


That YOU will be filled with joy.


That YOU will see life in a different light, a different perspective.


I allow my broken self to be revealed because I want you to know it isn't easy....this life;


But it is very do-able. It is possible. No matter the obstacles before me; before YOU.


We can press on.


When we are done surviving; done holding on for dear life.... We can Thrive!


We can move forward. We can live life to it's fullest. We can be truly happy.





A wise man in a kiddies park told me long ago,
that life holds many a trial and he wanted me to know,
That I can choose to tackle each hurdle on my track
the moment that it comes up without looking back.


If I decide to go around it; it is placed just down the road
waiting for the strength I seek to face it's heavy load.
Each time I skip that hurdle set in front of me
I put the gifts back on the shelf that will help to set me free.


Therefore, throughout my life, when challenges arise
I make a conscience choice to jump; and reach towards the prize
Putting off the inevitable never gets us very far
What is your next hurdle; how high is set the bar?





May my words today for you, give strength to run your race,
jumping over obstacles and helping to set the pace,
challenges are many and trials come oft tis true,
But don't look past the fact;  jumping makes a better you! 







Blessings be many as you run the race before you and strength be yours as you jump with all ya got! ♥ LR

Connected ♥

Just like the mess around me; my computer screen stares up at me.
And again, just like the mess and tasks that surround me; I am overwhelmed.


Each morning I rise, without an alarm clock before 6am....usually,
Anxious to see what God has placed on my heart; laid at my fingertips
What words He encourages to bubble out from deep within to share here.


This morning I rose just after 7am.
I was discouraged to find that I woke with the heaviness of heart that I went to bed with.
And even more discouraged to find that the 50 minute noise of the dishwasher...has ended,
and I still have a blank computer screen before me.....


I have less than a week left.
I am overwhelmed with all that has been started,
burdened by the work not yet even begun.


I am grieving for our lives here,
clinging to the past.
The past that filled us, shaped us, moved us, made us.
the past that is fast becoming cherished memories.


I have concerns for our future.
We are leaving the most amazing support team
any one family could ever hope to have.


Who will we turn to in our new lives?
Who will support us at our weakest moments?
Who will encourage us to keep on keeping on?
Who will love us through the not so good times in our future?


I am not dwelling on the negative.
I have not become a doom-sayer.
I am not speaking failure into the universe.


I am simply wondering.
Simply contemplating life; life with it's good days and not so good days.
Life with the ups and downs.
Life outside of the rose coloured glasses.
Life in the half empty glass.
Life with a bag full of lemons; before the sweetness of sugar and the coolness of ice.


It is a harsh reality to realize; no matter how much I think I give of self to others,
That I take a great deal from some of the same.
It has hit me this morning that even at my strongest,
I have given my weakest to some amazing life long friends.


I may have moved away from some of the darkest moments ever imagined.
But I am very aware I have NOT accomplished any of it on my own.
I have given some of the worst that I could ever be or do,
to some of the best God created. 
I call them heroes, angels, saints, family, friends.


I don't take lightly the love or generous hearts of others,
Every kind deed, sweet word, genuine hug, precious gift, minute spent and sip shared
has filled my own heart with healing, acceptance, friendship and unconditional love.


It is because you have loved so deeply and accepted me so freely that I find the strength once more
to look at the mess before me, to take a cleansing breath and jump back in.


I will continue to move forward.
I will remember that though our past is here,
There are many that will be our future as well.


Hearts don't need physical touch to stay connected;
Only Love! And love is spread; without thought of towns, province or country.


Pure love is not hindered by man built borders or distance of miles,
It flows freely and far. It settles gently and remains steadfast. 
Pure love has no concern for time and does not worry about change.
Love that connected our hearts through our past,
Is a cherished love; a strong love; a love that will forever last!


Blessings be yours dear heart as I send pure love your way today ♥ LR

In Memory of....

I was reminded again yesterday that life is short.


A vehicle accident took the life of a 51 year old man and left his 47 year old wife a widow.


This couple left our community after 10 years to retire early in their childhood home town. And then...not really to retire as they both just chose different, passion filled, dream type careers.  8 months later their dreams destroyed. Their chosen paths washed away. Lives drastically changed. Hearts forever broken.


In a most beautiful obituary that his now widowed wife wrote, from the depths of her soul. The broken place where she dug deep to pen the words. Where she, for a moment, put her pain away and wrote her final tribute to the love of her life. At a time when all she could do was cry. All she could feel was gut wrenching, can hardly breath, can't focus, aching emptiness type of pain. At a time when she wanted to turn to him and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. And yet her arms remained empty.


At this broken and wounded place she lay all her heart and her thoughts and her forever kind of love on paper. Not processing the words. Not caring what others may think. No thought to length.


She penned the words that her soul felt. She thought of others in his life. Others who held this man in high esteem with great respect, love and admiration. She took a moment from her own life altering grief and felt the pain of his family, his friends and his two young adult sons; her children.


In her writings she expresses with emotion more than words, her pride in all that her husband of 28 years accomplished. She is proud of his heritage. She is proud of his love of extended family. She is proud of his work ethic, his ability to provide for his family. She is proud of the children he raised, the boys who will remember fondly the father that loved them with every breath he took.


At this most shocking, life altering event this precious young widow searched her heart for words of comfort. Words she had heard many times in the last 28 years. Words that had got them through other tough times. Other times of grief. Other times of shock. Other times of loss. Words that he obviously lived by and encouraged others with. Words that describe the personality of her now gone husband.

"I know if he could say anything to us to make it easier, he would say better start putting first things first, cause when your hour glass runs out of sand you can’t flip it over and start again. Take every breath for what it’s worth. Don’t Blink."


My heart aches. I weep for her loss. I weep for the emptiness that envelopes her. I weep for her broken heart. I weep for the sorrow that only she can feel, the grief that no one else can truly share. I weep for her loneliness, I weep for her children, their empty and broken hearts, the future events they will not share with their dad.


And then I weep for myself in my 48th year, my own 51 year old husband of 29 years, my own two young adult sons and my own broken heart. I weep for the carefully laid out plans of our own dreams, our own newly carved path. I weep with sorrow. I weep with joy. 


I hold onto the joy, the dreams, the goals, the excitement of the journey. The path that goes forward. I listen again to the voice of direction. I put fears aside. I take another step. 


I was reminded again yesterday that life is short.....


What will you do different today?


Blessings be richly yours as you let go of all that doesn't matter and hang on to all that does ♥ LR

♥ A Blanket of Love ♥

I have had the privilege of sitting at a table, various tables, various locations with some amazing people the last couple of months.

And sometimes there isn't even a table involved.

It is the amazing people that are on my heart this morning. The people and their words. Our topics of conversation. The discussing back and forth. The sharing of hearts. The intertwining of lives. The give and take of the relationship.

People from various walks of life. With numerous life experiences within their souls. Different ideas to be shared. Individual opinions and insights. Various levels of education. Everyone with knowledge and everyone with wisdom. Wisdom gleaned from all kinds of lifestyles, events and histories.

Amazing individuals that have become so interwoven into my life that sometimes I have trouble differentiating where one pure heart begins and where one veers. Where one is lost and where there is the blessing of one added.

If a blanket could be made with the fibers of each heart that has touched mine; What a glorious display that would be! The colors, the fibers, the lengths, the textures and the purpose of each....

Unique, varied, different.

Happy, sad, content.

Quiet, vocal, gentle

opinionated, wise, intuitive

lost, hurting, blessed

broken, grounded, centered,

loved, lovable, loving.

I love that my heart has been opened. Room made within. Walls torn down. Boxes destroyed. Boundaries have been reshaped, corrected and adjusted.

To reformat, rebuild, reshape the heart is an ongoing adventure. Sorting, tossing, revisiting. The work is difficult at times; seemingly impossible. And so very often too big of a task for one.

I have sought out the wisdom and experiences of others as I move forward into the different, the unknown, the renewing. Seeking direction. Hungry for approval. Searching for confirmation. At times desperately needing encouragement and praise.

I admit to some confusion as I have met with some of these amazing people. Confusion within my head, my heart. Wondering where to go from here. Desiring to take well intended advise and apply it...somehow. Desiring to please the wise, the loving, the gentle.

Obedience outweighs desire. It is comforting to realize, often times the two follow the same road, the same path, the same direction.

Uncharted territory is frightening. A reborn heart soft. The rebuilding of brokenness difficult. A renewed spirit flighty. Steadfast love important. To allow vulnerability; absolute necessity. To share it all with amazing people...A gift beyond the wildest imagination!

Bless you today as you interact with some amazing people ♥ LR

I Meant to do that....

I didn't realize I had a bucket list until yesterday.

One of mine and hubby's favorite hobbies in the summer is strolling around Farmers Markets.

We go for our weeks worth of fruit and veggies. And most times we buy ourselves a wee treat.

Yesterday for me was a dozen potato and cheddar perogies from the Ukrainian Lady's trailer. I prefer the cottage cheese but they were sold out. Two hours into the 4 hour market and they were already gone. It didn't really matter as I had my heart (read stomach!) set on perogies and I wasn't going home without them.

I admit to wishing I still ate meat at every turn as I drooled longingly at the farmers sausage that was being sold a few booths down. But NO! I had to hold on to some sense of discipline and the sausage was easier to walk away from as it has been quite a few years now that I stopped eating pork.  ....but still; the temptation reared it's smell in my face! 

My husband doesn't fully understand the giving in to temptation. He gets tempted, don't get me wrong on that!  But he is one of the most disciplined humans I have met and he just simply (more times than not) does not give in to the scents, sights and emotions of living in the moment.

And for me? The moment is meant for the living and I better take it all in before the next moment arrives and I find myself staring down another tantalizing treat!

Thankfully I am getting older, wiser & slower! I have learned that living in the moment without concern for consequences still brings about the consequences of each decision. It is becoming less and less of a temptation when I consider the after effects of my actions.

But back to the bucket list I didn't know I had.....

Here we are strolling through the market. My man walking down the middle anticipating my turns and stops. Me off to one side looking for my new favorite soap. Lilac soap; made all natural with the most delightful soft scent. Makes my skin all soft and sweet smelling. Makes me feel good about what it is I put on my body. And although I wouldn't...It is nice to know that I could eat it if I wanted to! Nothing on the body that you wouldn't put in your mouth; that is a hard and fast rule I strive to practice in my daily care of self.

I glance over my left shoulder to see if I can catch a glimpse of my man. He is there and has just stopped to talk to another avid market goer.  He signals me over and introduces me to the gentleman he is talking with.

I don't talk as eloquently as I write at the best of times. I like to be prepared. I like to consider the source and the audience. I like to anticipate the possible scenarios and prepare for them. When the situation is perfect according to me than I don't roll it around in my head for hours, days and sometimes weeks later. Wondering what the heck I was thinking as I said what I said. Wishing I could go back and start over. Praying for do-over!  What more can I say here? I don't like to be caught off guard...it is that simple.

At the instant that I was introduced to this fellow Marketer, I knew I was in trouble. What do you say to someone you have wanted to meet; hoped to meet and desired to shake hands with (okay...I really wanted to hug him and I so wish I could have had my picture taken with him!) for the last 15 years? 

I didn't do too badly with my words. I know I didn't, because I slept last night instead of playing the scene over and over and over again in my head! It was an honor to meet the man. I was able to tell him that he has been my hero since before he was who he now was. It conjured up warm memories of days long gone and a life no longer lived.

We walked away from that chance encounter with smiles on our faces, tears in our eyes and love over-flowing from our hearts.

It was then I realized. I had a bucket list. Who knew? Who cared enough about every little desire, every tiny dream, every hopeful thought?  As we walked away God whispered to my wounded, broken, taped up and mended heart.... ♪ I meant to do that ♫  And I truly felt that He had given us, once again, the go ahead to leave our Alberta home. He showed me the list I had unknowingly made. He crossed off the final dream of my Alberta Bucket List and showed me a new page ready for an updated list of dreams, desires, adventures and new beginnings.

It never ceases to amaze how God cares for me at every turn and stop when I allow Him to walk freely down the middle of  this most unpredictable, unrehearsed adventure called life!

Blessings to you today as you ponder your own bucket list. May I encourage you to hand it over to God and let Him cross off each item listed?  I believe He has your best interest, dreams and desires in His heart ♥ LR

I have hyperlinked the song 'I meant to do that' by Paul Brandt for you to listen to. This song was written by Paul when he was still a nurse at the Calgary Children's Hospital and had a life changing encounter with a young girl who had cystic fibrosis. Aimeelee passed away far too young from the disease, shortly after the song was written.

http://youtu.be/2TyGR61Kk2g

Harvest of Faith

Dear God,

Take the mustard seed size faith I offer up to you this morning,
In the stillness of the morning; with the birds singing their praises,
Where the sun is just now rising above the foothills before me,
And the faded blue morning sky holds hope of warmth for the day.

With my heart speaking promises that you layered with your love,
I plead with you to pour living water on the tiny seed of faith offered up,
I sit in the quiet; listening for your voice. The squawking of doubt penetrates,
And my head attempts to battle against the peace within my heart.

In honesty I offer the worries & fears of this wounded world,
I give to you my lack of understanding and my confusion at what is here,
I give you my heavy heart, burdened with compassion for others,
I give to you what is seen, heard & felt with human emotion, human sight.

Destruction, illness, disease, pain, hurt, loneliness, sorrow, grief, dysfunction, drunkenness, anger, hatred, abuse, selfishness, greed, cruelty & death. Wounded, broken, hopeless, faithless hearts.

With my arms outstretched, my hands lifted high, I cry out for your touch,
I hunger for your nail scarred hands to lift me to your chest,
Aching for your presence to wash away the sorrow that floods our earth,
Pleading for healing, begging for wholeness, seeking peace to fill these human hearts.

I pray with mustard seed size faith that you would pour your healing rain upon our land,
Wash away the filth and the sorrow. Water the seeds that your children offer to you,
Fill our hearts with your living water and flood our souls with your love filled spirit,
Penetrate the walls, the boxes, the buildings we have built and Rain down upon us.

Touch each one with God sized surprises, with God breathed miracles and God blessed gifts.
As I enter into a brand new day, at the end of a long week and the beginning of what You have planned,
I look in wonder at the sprouting of my little mustard seed and anticipate a field of blessings,

A harvest so brilliant, a presence so vibrant, a hue so intricately woven that one will not know where it begins and where it ends.

Only that it is.

Faith-filled blessings to you today as God pours healing rain on our dry land.  ♥ LR

Bedtime Secrets

I am very thankful for the act of over-fueling.

I have a few 'tanks' or 'vessels' in my life that require fuel on a regular basis. We all do.

Not just one and not just from one source. I am mutifaceted.

The most obvious of course would be fuel for the physical body ~ Food.

I am looking forward to sharing my new lifestyle choice with you in the future; this blog is not about food.

Another source of fuel for the physical body and I believe, a big part of the emotional tank ~ is Sleep.

7-8 hours of sleep every 24 hours is crucial to our daily existence. However, sleep is also not the topic for today.

I could write for hours on the spiritual tank that requires re-fueling on a daily, hourly and sometimes minute by minute basis. But that too is for another entry.

The emotional tank is also multifaceted. We need various kinds of  fuel to keep our emotional state healthy. Fuel for peace. Fuel for patience. Fuel for kindness. For friendship. compassion. understanding.

We fuel each of these tanks by receiving the same from others. and vice-versa.

When you are offering up peace to those around you; you fuel your peace tank. It will never run out if you keep using it. Give out kindness and your kindness tank will be refueled. When you are a friend; you have friends. When you show compassion it returns to you at your greatest need. When you strive to understand those around you; others become understanding of you. When you put forth a positive attitude; you receive positive back from those around you. When you pour out love to all; God pours in love, abundantly to you! He over flows your tank with amazing love.

Last night as I lay in bed listening to both the dog and my husband breathing in their sleep, I was both sadened and frustrated. The frustrated part is easy....I am blessed as they are both quiet sleepers; VERY quiet. Usually.  Last night was different for some reason. Frustration kept me awake long enough to ponder, to pray and to process.

The sadness came as I thought about my husband and I mere months before. Before when my comfort tank was full. Before when the best part of my day was getting in bed with my man. Before when I was held each and every night...yes, every night; pulled as tight as tight possible into the warm curve of my husbands body.

I have always had the need for touch. From my children, my friends, my family and mostly my man. In the early years it used to drive him crazy....he wanted more space way back then. I had a need to cuddle, embrace, feel his presence in my bed. It is the main reason I don't sleep well when I am away from him. I learned a couple of years ago that if he isn't in bed with me, I can put a pillow behind my back (I am a side sleeper), pushed up tight enough to feel the pressure and pretend (I have a great imagination!) it is his presence I feel.

My man has changed over the years. He is like the finest of wines and gets better, BIG time better, with age! 

Many years ago we compromised with the 'need' versus 'no need' of bedtime touch. He is a back sleeper and I a side sleeper; he would take his right hand and rest it on my thigh. The warmth of his love radiated through out my whole body bringing comfort, peace and unconditional love as we drifted out to dream land.

In the last four years our need for touch, comfort and assurance that all is well in our world escalated. The hand on my thigh was not enough to ease my broken heart. It was no longer enough to send soul-mate vibes that everything in our world, our lives, our marriage was great. I no longer felt like I could take on the world with my man at my side.

We both needed more. At our most desperate time, God breathed peace, unconditional love, foreverness, comfort and completeness into our hearts and showed us how to manifest it with one another.

He gifted us with an amazing fuel for our love tanks.

I started to love going to bed. It was where the wrongness of the world disappeared. It was where the stress of the day didn't exist. It was where I was cherished. It was where I was comforted. It was where I found strength. It was where all my burdens were lifted. It was where I gave myself up completely and allowed the power of unexplainable, unconditional and unimaginable love to warm me and fill me and take over my head, heart, spirit and soul.

What is this magic fuel for the heart?  It is the art of cuddling, snuggling or dare I say, spooning! The wonderful curve of my husbands body is a perfect nest for me to snuggle deep inside, with his arm wrapped around me and pulling me in tight. Holding me. Praying for me. Praying for us. He perfected this art and made my world a much better place. A safer place. A spiritual place. A place I don't like to leave and a place I can't wait to return to.

The fuel tanks for our love was filled to over flowing prior to my trip out west. Prior to the shattering of our comfort zones and well built walls. Prior to our organized day to day existence. Prior to God's intervention of our own plans and His Divine re-structuring of souls destined for greater things. 

That was then, this is now. Thus the sadness last night.

Everything is a little off these days and all is not quite right in our world.

Neither he or I have the strength necessary to pour complete comfort into the other. We are barely surviving with our own personal basic needs. We have allowed stress and busyness, worry and fear, overwhelming thoughts and sheer exhaustion to burn the fuel we stored up in our hearts for the last few years. 

Don't misunderstand me.

Our commitment to one another never wavers. Our marriage vows to one another are written in stone, blood, sweat and tears. Our lives together are for always and for ever. The road will never be to tough or to rocky, to windy, to hilly, to curvy, to broken or to non-existent. A broken road is NOT an option. Our joined hearts don't compute any other equation. We are joined at the heart, the alter, the soul, the spirit and literally the hip.

Why do I share this with you? Why put myself out there once again in a most vulnerable state. Share something as sacred, as private as a our bedtime rituals? 

To encourage you. To encourage couples to pour out love into one another and watch your tank be overfilled with abundance. To encourage parents to fill the oft empty tanks of our children that have been depleted in a self-centered world. To let you know that despite turbulent tides; there is hope for an empty relationship, broken heart and a wounded family.

An empty tank can be temporary. Fuel is available. It is free. It flows abundantly. Love is not a toxic fuel. It is not depleted unless abused; but then that was never love to begin with.

If love is poured out enough...I have learned that it can be stored; for a time. Eventually it can dry up. But it can also lay dormant; waiting to be ignited. And it only takes a spark to start the fires of love into a burning inferno once again.

Will you please excuse me, somewhere in the disarray around me I have a lighter... would you like to borrow it when I am done? ☺

Blessings to you today as you re-kindle the love in your life and fill the emotional tanks of those around you. ♥ LR


Post-script January 20, 2011 ~  Over the last 5 months since our move to our island home, our love tank has been continuously receiving 'fuel' to the point that we are once again filled to overflowing with healthy, strong, amazing, wonderful and heartfelt love for each other! 


And everyone says....awwwwwww!  =)  


Blessings be yours as you snuggle in deep with those that warm your heart ♥ LR