Peek-a-boo

Fog in the morning holds the most promise. The most Hope. The greatest Faith.

I hold not to the fog that covers and chills the beginning of a brand new day,
It's heavy wet blanket that weighs down - I know is not here to stay.
Where we live, where we are, where everything in our world sits
has disappeared from sight, but that is where Faith fits.

At times it is a gift within my soul as I anticipate the lifting of what blinds,
Knowing that perfect timing will reveal to my sight - to my mind.
As the sun above warms the earth below, the fog slowly dissipates.
The suns rays start to play peek-a-boo with the forests, fields and lakes.

The fog thins out to a blurry view before us; a surreal vision of what we believe to be.
As the sun rises higher the heat evaporates the thinning cover, revealing what is there to see.
The promise of Hope, Faith and yes, even Love opens up with renewal,
as the last misty wisps of doubt vanish and creation sparkles as a jewel.

Grey Truth

Stardust

Lost and Found

I have found some time.

time for me.

time for prayer.

time for singing.

time for meditation.

time for reading.

time for researching.

time for writing.

I have also found that I can't force the spirit within or without. What I can do... is be at peace and empty myself of all that is busy. all that is demanding. all that is chaotic. all that is worrisome. all that is negative. all that is worldly focused. all that is cryptic. all that is numbing. all that is hurtful. all that is wrong. 

Empty myself of all....but God. 

I have found that I can Breathe in clarity, calmness, gentleness, focus, goodness, kindness, hope, serenity, quietness.

And yet, despite the peace that washes over me, I have found that an inferno burns deep within my gut, my heart, my spirit...my soul. A fire that is fuelled by words. Words that are tumbling, turning, twisting, rising, rolling, rebounding around inside. Words feeding a fire that threatens to burn out of control, extinguished only by taking pen to paper, fingers to keyboard. 

The burning topic this week is that of bullying. All kinds of media are inflamed with various takes, views and opinions on this topic of late with the suicidal death of yet another young person who could not withstand the badgering, taunting and cruel words of bullies. My heart goes out to her family with the loss of their daughter and the inner turmoil they now must bare. 

So many windows (& too many doors) into the world of bullying.... I approach but one and share from a place of understanding that comes from a journey strewn with ashes from the past & smoke that still stings the nostrils, shortness of breath and too foggy a brain to think clearly.

I have vivid memories of childhood moments filled with tauntings, badgering, cruel words and bruised self-esteem. There are memories of twisted arms (yes, literally), pulled hair, and bruises on my body. Memories that include me searching deep down inside for a strength I was surprised I possessed; strength enough to sing in my brave 10 year old voice "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" OH how wrong that little ditty is! I know, because the old tapes (voices from the past) sometimes still creep in to haunt me.

I have teenage memories that threaten to this day to leave me feeling ashamed, broken, wounded, hurt, hated, unloved and never quite good enough.... Memories that include the building of walls, the reshaping of personality, the altercations to God-given characteristics and God-breathed spirit. Memories that to this day fuel spoken words from my own lips "You could not pay me enough to go through high school again!!!" 

Thankfully my teen years were short lived for it was at 16 and a half that My Man, my protector, my Knight came riding into my life and whisked me away! Oh how grateful I forever will be to that man! :) 

It is unfortunate that the years prior to my rescue were enough to negatively impact the many years that followed. Not enough to render me a lifelong victim. Not enough to destroy me. Not enough to leave me completely broken. Just enough to leave some scars. Enough to alter my self-esteem, self image and my belief (or rather lack of)in myself. Sadly the negative impact on my own self has, over the years, affected those I have called friends along with family members, co-workers, employers, neighbors, customers, clients and even simple acquaintances.   

I have grown up, I would like to think that those that taunted my childhood and teenage years have grown up as well and become cherished members in their own communities & families. I believe it is highly possible and I honestly hold no grudges or harbour any bitterness or unforgiveness towards those from my youth.  

However, I know that not everyone's childhood bullies stopped bullying. They just got taller, older and more creative with their tactics. They have become adult bullies, workplace bullies, corporate bullies, professional bullies, neighbourhood (home-owners) bullies, political bullies, advertising bullies, big business bullies, development bullies, selfish and self-serving bullies from all walks of life. 

Too often is the case that an adult bully is a charming, loveable, wonderful human being to all around him...unless you are the one he/she is targeting! It is frequently the case that an adult bully often becomes the victim when outed by the target. No one believes the accusations. It is often impossible to prove. How can you say such a thing about him/her? And then just when you think you have a good case against this person; the bully becomes the master manipulator and shreds you before the jury of your peers, co-workers, supervisors & management.

This I know to be true....I have been their target too! I have left lucrative, rewarding, fulfilling places of employment due to corporate bullies. I have suffered hurt and humiliation from small business owners both as an employee and a customer/client. I have been the target of sexual harassment in the workplace. I have moved from one community to another to escape the bullying of neighbors. I have suffered with frequent headaches, migraines, stomach illnesses and diseases from 'professionals' and their bully tactics. I have watched others stand back as witnesses to these 'crimes' without offering aid. I get sick to my stomach as I admit I have been one of these witnesses...long before I understood what was going on. 

Even now, after all I have experienced, all I have been thrown, given, handed, tossed. Even now...It takes time for me to see the picture being painted on the wall of my own life. I ask myself why??  The only answer I have is.... because my heart forgives, my heart forgets, my heart holds on to hope, my heart looks for the good in others. My heart believes that if I genuinely give 100% of myself to everyone I meet for their good and not mine; they will give back just as much and for the same reasons. If I treat others as I wish to be treated the world will be a better place. Idealist? Perhaps. But that is OK as I am happy in that idealistic world...despite the hurt and abuse that sometimes comes back. 

I have said the events of my youth did not render me a lifelong victim and for that I am forever thankful!  It is because of these memories, these early events, these youthful hurts that I have come to a place of great strength. Couple that strength with age and we have a marriage of wisdom and discernment; which has given birth to insight and empathy. Wrap up that little family with God's unconditional and never failing love; throw it all into the furnace of tragedy and when the flames go out, the ashes cool and the smoke has cleared, look for one of God's precious jewels... Shining brightly, surviving, thriving, living life to its fullest, believing in self and embracing ALL that God polished!

I was lost and now am found

was blind and now I see

I was lost and now am found

was deaf and now I hear

I was lost and now am found

was numb and now I feel

I was lost and now am found

was mute and now I speak

I was lost and now am found

was lame and now I leap

I was lost and now am found

felt trampled to the ground

the feet, the fists, the spoken darts

did pierce my wounded heart

I was bound and now am free

to see with crystal eyes

I was bound and now am free

to hear & sort the lies

I was bound and now am free

to feel the chains release

I was bound and now am free

to speak of love and peace
I was bound and now am free
to dance and skip and BE
I was bound and now am free
to celebrate by being ME!

Blessings to you today as you make your way to the lost and found of your life ♥

LR

Touching base.... ♥

My dad pointed out a couple of days ago that my last Blog was January 31! That's a month! No wonder I have been missing you all of late!


It is thrilling to me to check the stats on my blog and see that there are still visitors on a daily basis. It is encouraging to my heart and yet I feel this small twinge of guilt pressing down as well.


I am not one to give excuses and truly do not like to come across as defensive. The saying 'it is what it is' comes to mind each time I think of 'why'.


However...I do feel I owe my wonderful friends, family, followers and droplets an explanation as to why the lull with my writing as well as an update into our lives.


At the beginning of February I was hired by the Raw Food Restaurant here in Qualicum Beach, Rawthentic Eatery. I had been verbally applying on a daily basis since we arrived here in September. I knew and God knew... it was only a matter of time before 'They' knew!  Well that day finally arrived and just as I thought...I love it!


I love the people who own it, the people who work there and the people who are customers there! It is busy. The days are long and full. It is challenging. It is rewarding. It is fun. It is stretching.


My Man and I entered the RAW Food world upon our arrival here after I researched and dabbled in it during my month in Victoria, July last year.


We had been having so many physical ailments over the years with the last being severe stomach pain almost every time we ate! We battled skin rashes, sleeplessness, joint & muscle pain, major digestive issues, ulcers, sore & bleeding gums, headaches and of course emotional distress. We knew the stress over the years had been taking its toll on our bodies and it was time to make some drastic changes or medicate ourselves to death.


Thus our entry into Raw Food. Presently our stomachs give us very little grief. My skin issues are 95% under control. The aching in my joints has diminished considerably. Since June 2007 I have taken a natural sleep aid EVER night to get me to sleep. With our lifestyle change and move I can count on one hand how many times I have needed help to get to sleep.


I love our new Raw diet and I love the raw food culture.


Besides the two or three days a week at the restaurant I am still pursuing and LOVING my career as a massage therapist! I love to pour out love. To nurture. To see healing results. To see a persons whole being changed after one hour with me. I love looking for Gods touch on someone he has brought my way. I love the power of the essential oils I use in my treatments. I love the hugs from my clients.


There is not enough business for me at the Spa I work at so My Man and I have been putting our mobile massage & reflexology business together. We had both hoped to stay away from self-employment for our first year on the Island... We now believe God has other plans for us.


The marketing of self and services is time consuming and overwhelming. Not to mention that rejection of self and services is VERY tough on the ego and confidence scale! We remember that it is not our will we seek and that the plans He has for us are plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give us hope and a future. It will come together!


This truth that 'it will come together' was never more clear then when I was hired for my third (or is it 4th?) job here on the Island.


You will remember the blog 'The Work of a Dream' from January 18 when I wrote about goal setting and a business plan. Well...I got right on the writing of goals, desires and dreams and found I rather enjoyed it. Especially when I saw one dream come to reality that very week!  It was CrAzY!


On January 19 I point form wrote about my writings....


~ I love to write
~ I am a good writer (I have been told enough to finally believe!)
~Is my desire still to write a book
~Is it a daily newspaper article
~is it always going to be a blog
~The blog is time consuming with out pay ~ 2-4 hours every day
~what about my desire to share our health wisdom


On January 25th a day or two before I was hired at the restaurant and 6 days after I wrote about where my writing was going; I was hired to write a weekly newsletter! When I read over my entry in my goals diary...I was blown away! Talk about speaking it out into the universe! Talk about God caring about ALL our desires, dreams and wishes! My faith was increased 100 fold that day. When I have Thomas days, days of doubt I look at my goals diary and I read the articles I am writing every week and then I wait expectantly on God for the next mind blowing event!


Oh the newsletter content? I write each and every week about the Raw Food World! My desire to share the wisdom I glean from hours of research and hands on healthy living and healing is now being put in print...EVERY WEEK! It is sent out to hundreds of emails, hundreds of people who have signed up to receive this newsletter! I love it! It is challenging. It is stretching. It is fun. It is rewarding! It is VERY time consuming, mind consuming, energy consuming and eats up the creative writing within me. 


And that dear friends...is my excuse for not blogging for the last month. I spend 5-9 hours each Sunday writing the newsletter which is published at midnight Sunday. Mondays are spa days. Tuesdays are Healing Rain marketing days. Wednesdays and Thursdays are Rawthentic days. Fridays is shared with Rawthentic and Natural Synergy Day Spa and Saturday is full on Spa day.


I am happy. I am full of joy. I am blessed. I am honoured to see God's hand in my day to day existence. I have an amazing man who supports me with everything I do. 


A man who pulls me outside for walks. Does the laundry. Cleans the bathroom. Takes care of the dog. He vacuums. He grocery shops. He encourages. He takes full Saturdays and does 'on location' days with mini-hand reflexology treatments to promote our mobile Healing Rain. He is on call 5 days a week for school bus driving. He drives Taxi's on Saturdays when not 'on location'. We market together on Tuesdays. He pours me wine and finds me salty crunch when my day is too long and I am too cranky. He waits patiently for 'us' time as I make calls to family and friends back home and have all evening texting conversations with some of the same. He keeps up with his amazing gift of reflexology on my feet EVERY night. He holds me close. He loves me.


I wasn't supposed to be this busy when we moved to a quieter life of Island living... I learned I don't do 'nothing' well! As well as 'nothing' doesn't pay the bills!


Where does that leave our relationship dear friends, readers & droplets? If you will be understanding and patient with me I have every intention of continuing my writings here on my Healing Rain Blog. Sharing my heart, my life, my lessons, my God and my musings. It will likely be published on a weekly basis unless I decide to give up sleeping altogether! =) 


I also will be setting up another blog site of some sort, in the very near future, to share the culture, lifestyle and how to's of living on a Raw Food Diet. I hope it will be intriguing enough to have you join me there as well as here....




Blessings be yours as you wait expectantly on God...♥ LR

Just Two Words...

I need to be 'qualified' by people in my life. I need to feel like I am important to them. Surely we all have a deep desire to feel that we make a difference in peoples lives. Whether it be friends, family, neighbours, those we do business with etc.

Big pet peeve of mine is shown in the statements that follow...  What feels better to YOU?

'you're moving? ok, bye'

or

'your moving? I am going to miss YOU so much! it has been wonderful having you for a neighbour!'

'you're quitting? oh, well...you have to do what you have to do.'

or

'your quitting? I understand why you need to but we are going to miss you so much around here!'

'you can't come? ok.' 

or

'you can't come? oh, what? That is too bad, I really wish you could, I will miss you!'

'I am not going to shop here any more because I wasn't treated fairly. Oh well, there is nothing I can do for you'

or

'I am not going to shop here any more because I wasn't treated fairly. I am so sorry to hear that, please tell me what happened. We appreciate your business, here is 25% off your next visit.'

Do you get the picture? We all want to feel wanted. That we matter. That we are important.

It takes very little effort to make others feel special. But because of our own guarded heart, selfishness, hurt and all about me attitude we often toss others aside to protect ourselves. 

We need to take a look at the words "it's not all about me" and apply it where we can in our lives. Step outside of your normal, your comfort zone, your own head and take a look at the situation from the other side. 

When I say I can't...my heart needs to hear you truly wanted me to.

When I say I'm done...my heart needs to hear I was appreciated.

When I say I'm going...I need to know you wish I was staying.

When I say I quit...I need to know I was valuable.

When I say good bye...I need to know I will be missed.

When I have something to say...I need to know you are listening.

When I matter to you...my heart needs to hear you tell me so.

Many years ago when I was about 9 or 10, I was standing at the front door of our house with my parents as they said good bye to some friends. They hugged each other good bye and then my dad said "Thank you" to them as they turned and walked out the door. I looked at my dad with confusion in my head and asked why he said 'thank you' to them because it was my parents who were the hosts. My dad said, very matter-of-fact "it is because they came to our home, because we appreciated their company, because we are thankful for their friendship" Dad told those friends they were the most important people in his life at that very moment with just two words, Thank you!

Obviously a very life changing but so very simple lesson of life from Dad to me. One that has stuck for absolute ever and one that is applied in all aspects of my own life. 

It is not hard to make others feel like they matter to you. Will you watch for opportunities today to lift others spirits with a just a few simple words. Your response could just make someone's day the best ever!

A multitude of Blessings be yours as you speak blessings into those you encounter today ♥ LR

Treasures in Tragedy

When my 22 year old son died in a motorcycle accident in 2007, my heart, life and solid foundation were not only shaken..but in many cases absolutely shattered, broken beyond recognition and shredded!


Over time (the feeling of forever can not be measured) healing started peaking through the darkest of days and I became aware of rays of hope, of light and of promise. These rays had names, earthly names, human hearts, love filled spirits and gentle, healing hugs. It was the people that enveloped our wounded, broken hearts that became our treasures in the worst tragedy imaginable.


Our close knit circle of friends that never left our sides, our home or our hearts for days, weeks, months and some not for years after Jarvis' death are treasures that are immeasurable. There is not a value available in our human vocabulary to express what their friendship means to us. I think we have voiced it, shown it and lived out our love for them in every way possible over time...but it will never be enough. Our love and gratitude will always be at the centre of hearts and memories.

So to you dear friends...Thank you once again for loving us through our personal hell. Your greatest rewards await you in eternity. For now? You have our offering of a lifetime of our love. 


♥Friends are one Earthly Treasure that could be yours for eternity♥

On June 15, 2007 our house was taken over by our 'shock absorbers'. The circle I mentioned above and young people! A continuous stream yes, but also a tight circle that took over our basement, family photos, computer and scrapbooking supplies. OH...and my heart! These 20 somethings (some a wee bit younger) flooded our home and heart with an emotional energy that is only possible in the midst of a storm.


The love that reverberated throughout these young spirits was miraculous, healing, grounding, warming and amazing. Youth that couldn't stand one another only 2 days prior came together to perform the most incredible, unselfish and creative display of love filled brokenness. Their gift of love, time and heart are treasures that are buried in a place of foreverness within my mothers heart.


There are others. Other young people. Others who continue to bless my heart in his memory. Others who I will forever have a connection to. Others who love me (love us!) because Jarvis loved others. 


The relationships that have stemmed from such tragedy are roses with sweet and lasting fragrance. The many young people that call me Mamma, Momma, Mommy, Mamma Robyn, Mom and Gramma Robyn and even those that still insist on Mrs Movold and Roybn (OY!) have become petals among the thorny scars of deep grief. 


These young people taught me how to love without judgement. How to love in the fullest form of acceptance. How to look past the visual and focus on the core of their very being, their heart. The lessons learned continue to serve me well wherever I find myself and whom ever I encounter. I love from a place I never knew existed. I love from somewhere I had never been before. I love from a place I never would have chosen. I love from a changed heart.

I am forever changed because of the loss of a child. 
I am forever changed because he loved with
  such abandon, such truth, such acceptance.
I am forever changed because his heart held so many. 
I am forever changed as his baton of unconditional love was passed to me.
I am forever changed as those who loved him, poured their love on me.
I am forever changed by those who were changed by his love.
I am forever changed because you call me friend.
I am forever changed because you call me Momma.
I am forever changed because he called me mom.

Our greatest and deepest time of sorrow can hold wonderful treasures. My treasures have names, earthly names, human hearts & love filled spirits.


At your darkest hour (whatever that may be for YOU) I pray you too will be blessed with a host of earthly angels, a chest of wondrous treasures and an abundance of unconditional love. 


Time does not heal 'all things'...sorry. But 'all things' can find a place where time isn't measured. 


Blessings be abundantly yours today as you unearth Treasures of your own ♥ LR